summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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