I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
