Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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