So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
