There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
