Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
