if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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