A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
