Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
as a side note pls kill me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
