At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
