There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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