I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
