a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
