if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The ass gains better be worth it
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