Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
