I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
