I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
