think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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