Will you blow on my dice?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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