This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
