i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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