Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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