She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
