it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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