That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
