fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
