I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
