I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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