he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
