apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
