Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
