This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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