if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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