The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
