he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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