Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
