Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
