I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just high enough for therapy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
