Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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