My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
