Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
