Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
