just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We have started to decorate penises.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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