...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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