Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
