I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
