the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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