My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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