Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
