I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
