I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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