win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
