I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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