we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
