So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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