i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
