dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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