She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
