I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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