he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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