I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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